Need motivation

🌸🦋

So, I started eating one meal a day because I was so tired of looking the way i did, and managed to lose 20lbs & then i got depressed and really stopped eating but sought help for it and started eating again, now i gained back almost the 20 lbs. My birthday is in June and I want to do my OMAD again, but it is so hard to get back on track. What can I do?