My Heart’s in 2 Places at Once???

In late September, I broke up with a guy I’ve known for 4 years. We’re gonna call him Chad. We dated for a year and 3 months, but alot of stuff went on between us (him cheating on me, etc.) so we broke it off. We still told each other we loved each other and was still jealous of other people, etc. We were (i guess you can say) on/off. I guess I did something to Chad to make him have this strong hatred towards me which lasted for almost 2 months. I still don’t know what it was. In the middle of those 2 months, I met someone else. We’re gonna call him TJ. TJ and I started off as (i guess you could call us) friends. He told me he liked me befoee, but I basically friend-zoned him. We had an ROTC field trip to the state fair in November and long story short, me and TJ kissed. Idk if this is a global thing, but after the kiss, me and TJ started “talking” (which meant we weren’t really in a relationship, but almost? It’s hard to explain). I didn’t tell Chad about it because he still hated me or whatever. So telling him would be even worse, right? So me and TJ would share our makeout sessions or whatever, being on the phone till we fall asleep, texting 24/7, etc. During all this, I still had feelings for Chad and they were still strong af, but I was also developing feelings for TJ. So a month later, TJ and I start dating. So Idk if Chad knew about me and TJ and got jealous or what but he started to talk to me again out of the blue being all nice and trying to be cordial (idk how to spell it >_<) and I was weirded out. Yes, I still loved Chad, but I hated him for hating me for no reason..if that makes sense. And he was really getting on my nerves with the mixed signals so I told him about me and TJ, then everything went haywire from there. Allll the way back to present time, last month, I caught TJ basically cheating on me flirting with other girls. And that caused bad trust issues, but I looked past it, and gave him a second chance. But Chad’s ugly ass sent me a long ass paragraph about how much he misses me and how much he wants me back and that he’ll do anything for us to be happy together again, etc....and I still have feelings for him. BUT I still have feelings for TJ too (but duh cuz he’s still my boyfriend). I know this entry was long asffff but I need help. I love both of these boys but I don’t know who to choose or if I should leave both of them.