there just doesn’t feel like a fuckin reason to live. ppl would get over it. i feel like now i have to be this fake person around my parents. cuz if i show anything they get upset “you were doing so much better” when in reality i just got better at hiding it and when i show its cuz i’m done trying i’m done putting that fake shit on me. and i feel like i can’t say anything without ppl thinking i’m trying to get attention. that’s what’s so fucked up about humans we lie and lie and lie to the point where when someone really needs help that can’t get it because there scared be pushed away because “there doing it for attention” and when they do get help it’s just medication being shoved down your throat. i feel like i can’t even trust my closet friends to tell them. ik i have ppl around me who care and love me but i still feel so fuckin alone no matter how hard i try to remind myself. i’m just now able to sleep in my own bed again and i’m looking at the water glass next to me wondering how many cuts it would take to end it. i’m scared of myself idk what to do. ive had really bad anxiety my entire life but i was diagnosed with depression and ptsd a couple months ago. i’ve been hospitalized once and i have had 3 attempts. i’m 12. and i don’t wanna be alive anymore.