I find myself in these deep negative spirals a lot. I feel like I genuinely have nothing going for me. I feel so ugly. I’m not delusional and know that I’m unattractive compared to other girls in my year. I feel so stupid compared to my boyfriend and my friends, even though I work so hard for all my exams and schoolwork I barely scrape the heels of their success. What makes this worse is the competitive nature of my boyfriend, which only makes me feel more insecure in my abilities. More than anything I feel annoying, constantly bouncing between seeking the approval of others and apologising for everything I do, crying at tiny mishaps and generally feeling terrible, to then on the flip side of the coin trying hard to be funny and optimistic (ending up just being loud and irritating) so that others don’t think I’m just a sad ball of depression and leave me behind, classing me as toxic and upsetting to be around. I sometimes sit there and pick apart my appearance and personality, telling myself that I’m going to fail if I don’t get a grip but not knowing how to. I get so unbelievably stressed with school and recently had to leave my Saturday job as a waitress for something calmer (cleaning) because I just couldn’t deal with the stress and criticisms from my boss. I find myself taking everything personally and beating myself up over minor failures. I try my best not to go to friends for help because I’m worried they’ll find it annoying, and also try hard not to cry to my boyfriend or mum, who has enough on her plate, too much either. I don’t want people to leave me. I’m trying counselling, but I just don’t know how to become a more positive person. Maybe also considering going on the pill to try to sort my PMS out, which could be a major contributor to all this. I’m 15. Any other people feeling like this? Will I grow out of it? Sorry for the long paragraph. X