I am a mom of 2.

But everyone only sees me raising 1.

When I'm out with my daughter. Everyone's number one question is "Is her your first?"

I want so bad to say "No, she's not" because she isn't. She is my second born. I labored with my first for 23 hours, I pushed for 4 long and excruciating hours. I labored on my back, hands and knees and both sides. Trying so hard to deliver my precious little boy. I waited for him to come out on his own until 41 weeks. Everything was perfect. I had a great pregnancy. He grew so beautifully inside me where I protected him. Until 11:48pm, when his heart stopped beating 20 minutes before he entered the world. When he finally arrived, I didn't even get to hold him. He wasnt placed on my chest. Instead he was taken to the NICU where they tried to revive him but their efforts were unsuccessful. My baby boy had died at 12:37am. I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to feel his last few heartbeats. I held my baby boy for 6 hours before the funeral home came and took him. I said my final goodbye and I cried and cried. I donated my sweet boys heart valves, bone marrow and more. Everything I could so hopefully another mother wouldn't have to feel this pain.

This was 4 years ago but I relive it every single time I'm asked if my rainbow baby, my daughter is my first. So I say no, not because I'm ashamed or because I dont love my son but because reliving that day, that death, the pain over and over again in front of a stranger is sometimes just too much..

Arlo 💙