My boyfriend and drugs..:/

My boyfriend and I met when I was 13 years old and started dating when I was 14. We are now 19 and 20. Of course, with long term relationships, especially between two young people, they have hard times. When dating young, you have to understand that the other person is going to grow. Sometimes they will grow with you or away from you.

Roughly 2-3 years ago, my boyfriend and I hit a REALLY rough patch. He began to smoke weed. I don't have a problem with weed, honestly. But he smoked weed so much he was high 24/7, no exaggeration. I was hesitant about it initially, because I knew he "didn't have an off switch." But he assured me it wouldn't get any worse; promising that he wouldn't do other drugs. Then he began to hang out with the wrong crowd of people. It progressively got worse. He began to ditch me for these friends who not only smoked pot all the time, but also sold it as well (which is illegal where I live). He would drop me to go be with them and to get high with them. Then it spiraled out of control and he started to do other drugs. He did aderall, cocaine, acid, shrooms, and even meth, which was something he promised me he wouldn't do when he first started to smoke pot. He would become mean and malicious. I would beg him to stop with the drugs and give me his attention. Nothing was working. So I finally left him. We were broken up for about 3 months. In that 3 months, he started to sell marijuana. It wasn't until his parents caught him in the act selling pot he started to quit his bad habits. We eventually got back together, and he cleaned himself up. He got a full time job.

Fast forward to now, he has a good job. But he had to lie to get that job. He had to use fake urine to pass the drug test. He has started to hang around some of the sketchy people he used to (not all of them by any means). I've been telling him for a long time now that I'm afraid that he's developing his bad habits again, and he lashes out at me. He'll be super insulting and just all around hurtful. I don't try to initiate a fight and I don't do the whole "blame game" thing. But he gets all hateful and then it just makes me angry. It turns into this unproductive fight and the tension will last for days. Sometimes he'll even lash out at me for no reason for days on end, and then he'll blame it on his mental illness.

He has anxiety and depression horribly, and he's even medicated for it. His doctor wants to put him on Xanax to "help" his anxiety, but Xanax is SUPER dangerous. I'd rather him smoke pot daily. But lately he's been smoking it multiple times a day.

I went to his parents and told them what was going on, and they lectured him and told him that my opinion matters. They said I'm allowed to be nervous because of his past, and they told him that he needs to understand that and try to help put me at ease. They said I'm allowed to be scarred, and his mom looked at me and said "you're allowed to feel scarred. You're allowed to feel this way, and he does not get to decide you don't feel that way." His father said "this is a joint team. You gotta give and take."

A few days after his father told him that and it was brought up in another argument, he said "my dad said this is a give or take thing. So wheres your give? Why can't I smoke?" He had completely twisted what his parents said to use to his advantage.

He doesn't live on his own yet, and I'm still in college. We plan on living together once I graduate. I'm hoping that will drive him to clean himself up. His home environment isn't the best, and he's surrounded by people who need marijuana to function.

My boyfriend reminds me of an alcoholic. I try to talk to him about how I feel about his habits and his reply is it's all my fault. To him, I have the problem. Not him. He doesn't think how his decisions effect me and how I think. When it comes to this, he only thinks of himself.

So what I'm trying to say I guess is what is your advice? Am I allowed to feel the way I do?

My heart says don't give up and so does my brain. But my brain also says "okay, I'm tired of this shit. Something has to change."