TTC after baby loss (Trisomy 18)

So, in February this year my partner and I my baby boy at 33 weeks due to Edward’s Syndrome (Trisomy 18). Honestly, was the most traumatic experience I’ve ever had in my life. I had to be induced but did not give birth until after 4 days. The waiting for things to get going whilst knowing that my baby would be still born was horrible. This was my first time being pregnant and the pregnancy itself was a surprise, and once I got over the shock of it all the pregnancy itself was a difficult experience. Aside from finding out at 20 weeks that our baby had some major heart defects and problems with swallowing, my mental health just deteriorated. I was anxious, depressed and just couldn’t enjoy the pregnancy like I seem to see so many others do. Obviously this all got worse, once we had the amino and found out the baby had Trisomy 18.

You really don’t think about these things happening until it happens to you. You just think, oh I’ll get pregnant have a baby and that’s it. But there are so many complications and things that could potentially go wrong, and this whole thing has opened my eyes.

With that being said, my partner and I want to try again. It’s our 10 year anniversary in November and we’ve discussed trying again from there. I’d like more than anything to have a baby/babies but this first pregnancy has really just destroyed my confidence. I’m so anxious at the thought of trying again and can’t stop worrying about things going wrong again. However, I know the type of person I am and I know if I leave it any longer I’ll be less likely to want to try out of self-protection for potential hurt.

I’m not sure why I’m posting all this. I guess I just wanted to know what other people’s experiences were with TTC after a baby loss.. does the anxiety ever lessen or go away? Or do people just push through it? And how did others women’s pregnancy go after a baby loss?