I just found out on Friday that I’m pregnant for the 14th time. I have had four live births, but have three living children. My fourth was born 17 months after my third child died of SIDS, and is 19 months old. We were done having kids. I love him so much, but so much of parenting another baby since losing our son has been extremely difficult and absolutely petrifying. I can’t seem to bring myself to really even acknowledge that I’m pregnant again, and I’m really struggling with coming to terms with it. I don’t even want to tell anyone. At all. For the whole pregnancy, and maybe for some time after it’s born. If I even make it that far.