Last night, I had a break down. I'm 29 weeks and suffering from depression. I've been on a medication for this for about 3 weeks and going to therapy but not long enough to help. I was diagnosed with manic depressive bipolar disorder 8 years ago and I've been off my meds for 4 years because I've learned how to help my mind heal with the help of my husband. He's never seen me break down though. I told him after a fight because I needed to be held and he was playing his game (he works in the oil field and doesn't get a lot of time for himself and I've never yelled at him for playing before.) I told him "I don't know how much longer I can do this." Not thinking he'd take it like I wanted to break up. He told me a shortened version, that he isn't going to fight for me to stay and if that's how I really felt then we didn't need to be together. I understand we were both upset, and said things out of anger. I went outside and cried because I didn't want him to see me like that. I came back inside and calmly told him I didn't mean I wanted to break up, but that I didn't know how much longer I could live. At that point I was crying again and he finally took in what I was saying. The rest was just us falling asleep with me balling my eyes out on him.

I've never opened up about my suicidal thoughts to him. I never wanted to give him the stress. I haven't had thoughts like this in 5 years. I just want other women to know you always need someone, doesn't matter who as long as they love you. You need to open up. Depression isn't easy. I feel so much weight lifted because my love finally knows why I've been reclusive and angry. He can better react, as he's shown me in the last 24 hours. You are important and you are needed.

Sorry for such a long post. I just needed to tell someone. I need to make everyone more aware of PPD even if you haven't given birth, you can be subjected to it. Give yourself love.