I’m sorry I’m advance for a long post. But I really need some reassurance from women who know what I’m going threw. It’s been rough on me and I feel like I can’t keep doing this to myself anymore.

My fiancé and I have been trying to get pregnant since September of 2018 and it’s now May of 2019. Still nothing. I started to have what seemed like a first sight of a period a full 7 days before it was supposed to be here. The past 6 days I’ve had a very light bleeding that was either pink or brown blood I lap had little to no cramping. I thought I was having implantation bleeding. Today was day 6 of the bleeding and my period just started. I had the bad craps and the blood clots to prove it. I have never done this before but, my heart is definitely damaged from this. I was so hopeful that I was finally going to have a baby with the love of my life. I told him what was going on and he knew that this was beyond normal for my monthly periods. He was very excited and started to talk about what he can do for our second bedroom and how we could set it up for a baby. But now, I’ll have to tell him that I made a mistake and break his heart as well as my own. I was told at a young age that I couldn’t have children. When I was 21 I was rechecked by another OBGYN and I was told it was a possibility. Due to me having polycystic ovaries that would deem as a challenge for me. In 6 months I was to come back and see him to help us get pregnant. When it was time for me to see him again, he just made me feel like I was wasting his time and didn’t help me in way. And so we left the office completely shocked on how I was treated. We have been doing this on our own since then and that was about 2-3 months ago. With nothing ever coming this close. Our wedding is May of 2020 and I don’t want to be pregnant when I get married so our window of trying is coming to a close. I’m very upset about this and I just feel like I’m not ever going to be a mom and I won’t be able to give my fiancé the dream of becoming a daughter one day. I’ve thought about asking him to find someone else who could give him a child. Every time I have a negative test it just breaks my heart and all I want to do it shut off all the lights and hide from everyone. I feel ashamed for being a failure to conceive a baby. I know there are plenty of other struggling women out here but I just really need some encouragement.