My husband woke up this time last year and I was not good enough for him. I guess I was in the way of him pursuing other women. Women we both know and have known a long time. I have known most since childhood. He threatened to kill himself once he realized what he did. He destroyed our apartment the police took him away. I have anxiety attacks when I have to go outside because I feel like people are laughing at me.I said this must be the for worse part of the marriage and I gave him a second chance. He's back at it saying that if I'm mad he came in 6am on mothers day. Didn't gift me or acknowledge it for me and tried to force himself on me. My Bill's are late because he always needs something and then when he gets paid it's always something. My family and I aren't close. They are about just as bad so I feel like I dealt with alot because I had no one. I'm pregnant and im scared. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him hurting me. I walked in on him telling someone he was leaving and he wouldn't say who it was. He came back last night and tried to make small talk like he hadn't spaazed and made me feel two inches tall because I expect for him to handle something he caused before we met himself. I am pregnant by him and he has me struggling financially and emotionally. I no longer believe in love and marriage. My love of my children is all have and believe in now. I wish I could tell someone what's going on but I don't have anyone I can talk to. I wanted to tell my mom last night when she called but she kept me on the phone an hour to tell me how she was raped by my grandmothers boyfriend and she is sorry that her boyfriend did similar things to me. So that's a no. I do pretty good at keeping things from my kids. I don't want to kill myself. I just want peace. I understand love isn't meant for everyone and I'm ok with that.