I need some love today....

Ladies, today has been rough. My toughest in years.... our family has lost 6 people this year. Some have hit harder than others, but today I just can’t deal. We lost my godfather and uncle. He always made me laugh so hard until I cried. He lives far away so I haven’t seen him since October when my grandma died, and I fortunately talked to him a few weeks ago. But I’m hurting hard. I can’t stop crying. My husband stayed home today, which normally I would love, but under these circumstances it’s even harder because I know why he’s here. I’m so sick of death. I just wish I could’ve called him. I hate that. I hate that he was alive yesterday, and today he’s gone. He was such a big part of my childhood. I know he knows how much I loved him, but at 30 I can’t help but feel closer to my own mortality. Idk what I’m looking for. Maybe just how people got through a tough loss. This one just feels different. It hurts too much.