For everyone out there struggling with breastfeeding, it DOES get better.

My daughter was terrible at nursing since her birth, December 23rd. I could barely get her to latch in the hospital. They had a lactation consultant watch a feeding and I almost wasn't allowed to go home yet, but they ended up letting me go home Christmas day as originally planned. The day after, we were in the ER because my milk still hadn't come in and she was quickly getting dehydrated. She had only peed once in the hospital and not at all since coming home.

After that day, I pumped and bottle fed her. For her whole first month of life that is how she was fed. For the first week or so I tried to put her on my breast before each bottle but I was met with a screaming fit every single time. Her first weight check at a week old came back just ok, but by her 1 month appointment she'd gained enough to surprise her doctor.

Pumping was a lot of work though, so after her 1 month checkup we came home, I put her to breast and she actually latched! I was ecstatic. I'd always pumped 25-30 oz a day and she ate 20-22 oz so I had no concerns about her getting enough. That's why it came as a shock to everyone when from 1 to 2 months old she'd dropped from about the 40th percentile to the 9th.

When I heard that my heart just dropped. She'd always been on exclusively breastmilk bottles, since my milk came in. So why, why did switching to breastfeeding make her drop so many percentiles?

Her doctor asked us to try supplementing after each feeding and see how much she'd take, but I'm not going to lie. I did it rarely. Once a day at most and most days she rejected the bottle. I didn't want to lose my milk supply over her taking too much in a bottle so I just offered her my breast more.

They had us come back at 3 months for another weight check which came back just ok. At this point she was in the 17th percentile. A gain but not anything like her first month. The doctor was happy with it but I was still worried, and we'd been struggling.

She had no rhyme or reason to how long or how often she ate. She still frequently pulled off, rejecting the breast and screaming for hours. When she did eat she often fell asleep during. We bought a scale to do weighted feeds and sometimes she'd take 4 oz in 10 minutes, but sometimes it was barely 1.5 oz in 45 minutes. Still we struggled on, offering a bottle if it was a particularly bad nursing day.

I was starting to believe we'd have to quit, for her health and my mental health. Almost as soon as my daughter turned 4 months it was like someone flipped a switch and she was a totally different baby. The unpredictability was gone. In a matter of a few days she went from nursing seemingly at random to nursing 6-8 minutes each side, 5 per day. 6 if she woke up overnight, which is also happening increasingly less. She's 4 months and 20 days today and this pattern has held up with frightening consistency.

Breastfeeding is HARD. There's no way you can be prepared for just how hard it is. I almost called it quits more times than I could count. I've always struggled with anxiety and depression and it was a stress that I didn't need; it caused so many breakdowns and fights with my husband. But it DOES get better. I am so glad I stuck it out and got this far. It was always my dream to breastfeed until she self weaned, like my mother did with my siblings and me. My dream is finally starting to look realistic.

For all you out there who are still struggling, YOU'VE GOT THIS!!! And I'm here for anyone that needs any encouragement or help! I know I could have used some myself and I don't want anyone to feel like they're alone.