Take it one step at a time, momma! ❤ *long story*

I've been feeling real down on myself and unaccepting of my "mom bod". Sometimes I break down and cry when I can't find something to wear because nothing fits anymore. I feel disgusted with myself when I look in the mirror after a shower too. I feel ugly and gross a lot of the time.

Backstory: Okay so I am 11 months PP (almost a year now) and my delivery was quite eventful....

I was induced at 41 weeks gestation and delivered my son all natural, vaginal delivery (no pain meds). He was perfect and beautiful, full head of hair and the cutest little face. He was 6 pounds 15 ounces and 21 inches long ♡ my heart literally melted the moment I held him!

Afterwards: My uterus decided it was pissed off and didn't wanna contract anymore after my son was born and I suffered a major PP hemorrhage and several huge blood clots (an experience in which I'll never forget and I'd hope none of you have to ever endure!)

The surgeon from L&D came in and had to put her arm up my lady parts to physically scoop out clots and excess blood. It was excruciating and traumatic. I lost over a 3rd of my blood volume and literally almost died. They had to keep me talking and keep me alert so I wouldn't pass out. (All while my precious newborn baby boy, my love, and my mom sat with each other in a bittersweet moment, because no one was certain I'd make it, yet this little miracle was finally here)...

after the "procedure" was over I needed a blood transfusion, I was put on more IV and I was left in pain and tears, I was exhausted as hell. My entire body swelled up to 3 or 4 times my original size (that's not and exaggeration -see pics below-)!!

However, I was more focused on trying to get my newborn settled and nursing! Motherhood takes so much out of you, but gives you the most strength in your life!!

I am so grateful to be alive to see him grow (hes walking now and has 7 teeth!) and to be a mother to my beautiful children!

I hope NONE OF YOU ever have to face the uncertainty of life or death. I hope NONE OF YOU have to endure anything like what I went through! But if you've had a less than storybook experience too, I want you to know you just have to take it one step at a time. Have patience. Believe in yourself and know you ARE BEAUTIFUL!!

This was me at 12 weeks pregnant:

This was me at 39 weeks:

This was me after birth:

This is me now:

I still have a long way to go to get my body back after all that trauma, but my love is so supportive and tells me I am sexy and beautiful. When I get emotional because I hate how I look or the fact I fit absolutely nothing anymore, he reminds me that I need to be patient and that 'yes' other girls lose the weight fast but my body went thru A LOT (more than he can imagine) and it needs 'a little extra time', but that it doesn't make me any less sexy in his eyes 🥰😍😭😭😭💜💑

& this is us ♡:

And my love and our beautiful son- he was born June 4th, 2018 (5 days before his dads birthday):

Thanks for reading this and I'm sorry it was so long ♡