Why am I like this?

I dread going out. I hate attending events. I am always miserable. I like to have a good time, but I just can’t let myself relax enough to do so. When my fiancé and I go out, I’m more focused on watching where his eyes go. I know this isn’t normal, so don’t drag me. I wish I wasn’t like this...but I am. I make myself sad.

We have a wedding to attend tomorrow. He’s in the wedding. I’m dreading it. So many people will be there and I know I’m just going to want to melt into a puddle.

I have a hard time putting on a fake smile. I don’t want people to think poorly of me because it looks like I’m mad at the world. *sigh*

I don’t understand myself🤕