I’m posting this here because I have no one else to talk to about this. I’m 20 years old, married, and I promised myself, my husband, and basically my whole family that we would wait 5 years to have kids. That’s 5 years to finish my degree (which I only have three semesters left of), 5 years to myself and my husband, and 5 years to grow as a family of two.

I made an appointment with my OBGYN almost 2 months ago to get an IUD implanted. I have not heard back from them since, even after calling countless times, and because of that, have not had it implanted. My cycle was thrown off since I had gone off the pill, but I can usually tell when I ovulate, just by the way body feels and how crampy I am. But I didn’t notice myself ovulating last week and am now pregnant. Yes, adult actions have adult consequences.

By my calculations, I am 12DPO and my period is due in 4 days.

I told my husband the night I found out. His reaction was exactly what I was expecting. Disappointed, scared, and standoffish. He told me we needed to take care of it as quick as possible. As someone who has wanted children since I was younger, this was absolutely devastating to me. To the point where I’m questioning if I even want kids now. He says he wants kids with me but now isn’t the time for that. He can tell how upset I am with the situation but can’t see the way he messes with my emotions. One minute he’s telling me to get the abortion pill, and the next he’s rubbing my stomach saying “that’s my child,” and “let’s have this baby,” during intimate moments. It’s like whiplash.

I had to work earlier tonight and it’s the first time I’ve worked since finding out. My head, as you can imagine, is in a very dark place right now and when I told him this, he said “we can keep it, it’s just going to fucking suck.” He has this idea that this baby will ruin us and there’s nothing i can do to prove him wrong. He thinks our financial situation is going to take a dip if we have a baby. He’s an enlisted marine (E4) and doesn’t think he could support us for the first year until I finished my degree, for the baby into daycare, and then started working for us.

And though I can’t prove that having this baby will ruin us, i feel that me having an abortion is going to drive me away from him. Every time he mentions the doctor or the appointment, my mood shifts drastically and I don’t even want to look at him.

I’m not here for negative comments towards my husband. I love him very much and am confident we will get past this and whatever decision we decide to make. I get he’s scared and isn’t ready for a child, which I do not blame him for. I’m just using this as an outlet as I have literally no one else to talk to.