And the winner is... Not me

So, PCOS has officially kicked my butt... The last month it's put me in the ER twice, and it's been a constant battle with nausea, vomiting and pain. So much so that I'm relying on anti-nausea medication to eat. I've finally had it.

After almost 9 years of eating healthy, exercising frequently, dealing with cyst ruptures, severe pain, a laundry list of other symptoms, heartbreak after heartbreak of no baby after 5 years, I gave up. I accepted defeat and took the prescription for birth control today to try and get some of this under control...

I'm heartbroken and disappointed that it had to come to this. I'm upset that all my efforts have not paid off and here I am relying on something that is preventing me from the dream of being parents that me and my partner want.

I don't know what life is going to bring after this, and I am hoping that the birth control does not damage my reproductive system any further.

Who knew having a baby would be this difficult and living in this body would suck so heinously.

But now it's time to find something else to focus on instead of a baby and I am at a loss on how to move forward from today.

I know it's not the end of the world. I can stop taking it and we can try again later. But my goal/dream was to be a mom years ago. To give up on that dream, even if it's temporary just brings me to tears.

And now, I'm at a loss to even end this post. My brain and emotions are a mess. But I really wish all of you the very best on your journey's, and that they're more fruitful than mine was.