So on Tuesday I had my first ultrasound ever. It was my fourth pregnancy and my fourth miscarriage. I was supposed to be 9 weeks exactly. My baby was measuring 6 weeks 4 days, with no heartbeat. I was and still am heartbroken. My doctor told me I could try for a ultrasound in another week as long as we tested my levels and they were going up. Tuesday we had my levels tested they were in the perfect range I had hope. Thursday they dropped by 9,000 and I still wish it was a dream. I hate myself cause I feel like it's my fault no matter how much I know it isn't, no matter how much I'm told it isn't, I keep yelling at myself. If I hadn't forgotten my prenatal that one day, it'd still be alive. I never had this feeling with my last 3 which were at age 15, 18, and 20. They were loved, but not ready for yet. Was planning adoption for the 3 of them before now. Never made it past 6 weeks before bleeding started before. I am now 21, engaged, getting married in two months and ready for a child. Still no bleeding with this one. How do I move past this. Hospital won't give me any tips on how to carry to term because they haven't all happened in a year. Why does my heart have to break 4 times in a year to get help. What can/should I do I wanna try again basically right after my surgery.