I was raped repeatedly for 2 years from age 15-17, I’m still 17 turning 18 soon. The abuse ended once I told someone, which wasn’t too long ago, it also seems that when I spoke out the emotional/psychological effects have gotten worse. I had a lot of other stuff going on in my life during the abuse so I guess I made myself numb and pushed all of it to the back of my head but now that’s it’s over everything is flowing out like a waterfall. I hope this is apart of the healing process however it feels like I’m taking steps backwards. It’s been an emotional battle but right now the toughest thing is probably this crippling anxiety I’m left with. Anxiety is literally the worst I start hyperventilating and feel like I’m dying. I get lightheaded and everything seems to be in slow motion. I’ve been experiencing it a lot more lately for some reason. Like I’ll just wake up in the morning anxious for no reason. Just leaving the house makes me anxious. Taking showers make me anxious. Even getting undressed to change into new clothes makes me anxious! I also hate being in unfamiliar places. I was with my family and we visited this beautiful place in California, the scenery was beautiful, the weather was nice. I was enjoying my time when suddenly it started sinking in how unfamiliar the place was and I ended up having a panic attack. Definitely ruined the trip😒. I feel like I have so many other problems too, like attachment problems. I feel very attached to the person I told, he makes me feel very safe and I know he loves me so it’s comforting and I feel like I never want to leave his side, I also tend to let out all my feelings around him which is a whole other issue, meaning it puts a huge toll on him which I feel bad about but if I don’t let my emotions out I’ll go crazy. I can go on and on about all my issues but this will be pages long. I’m kinda just rambling on at this point, this post was supposed to be about my anxiety but I guess I’m just ranting now. I do plan on going to therapy eventually just not yet. I’m trying to be strong and still go outside and be productive, and spend time with my family. This is all very difficult, I always thought I was a super strong person that can handle anything life throws my way but now here I am a complete emotional mess, breaking down almost everyday.😓