Hopeful with a Dash of Frustration

I suffered an early miscarriage in October 2018 at 6 weeks. It shook me to my core. Every month since has been just heart breaking and a roller coaster of emotions. This month I am 5 days late and I waited to take a pregnancy test until today. It’s negative. Not really sure what’s happening. I’m holding out hope that I get my BFP this month but I’m scared that I will start my period and I have to go through this all over again. Any feedback is greatly appropriated.