How to stop the spiral

I was diagnosed with PCOS almost two years ago. My husband and I had been trying for a year with no luck, so I decided to check in with my OBGYN just to make sure everything was okay. I had irregular periods before and I thought maybe I wasn’t matching up the days I was ovulating. After the exam I found out that I had PCOS and my world kind of froze.

I was on birth control for a while, but I felt like I was losing my mind. The weight gain and mental battle became too much and my doctor pulled me off it as soon as she saw me at my next exam. We then tried metformin and for a few months I had a lot of hope, however, my mental stability started dwindling again. I felt my anxiety and depression increase even more so then when I was on birth control.

By December I knew something had to change. I was completely void of the person I once was. Infertility hurts... it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with, but also not knowing my body or who I am hurts even more. The feeling of failure and disappointment in myself is overwhelming.

The worst part is, my sister is pregnant with her third child. I love being an auntie, but with everything going on I feel numb to it all. I hate that I’m not excited and ready for a new member of the family. I’m just drowning in this negative cloud and I feel like it’s a never ending spiral.