rape? and heartbroken

sorry in advance this is gonna be long, i don’t know who to turn to..

the other day me and my friends get drunk in a very safe environment, we’re all having a blast and it came up to a time where they all left except for one guy, this is a guy i trust and have been friends with for a while, my mother is asleep in the other room, so are a few other people. me and him stay up for a bit and talk about life. i don’t know if i gave him the wrong impression but i don’t remember anything considering i was drunk.

all of a sudden we’re in bed and he’s on top of me and i’m kind of like just going along with it so far we’re just kissing and he’s touching me.

he starts to try and take my shorts off and i’m like i’m not having sex with you. he also knows that i’m a virgin. i tell him i’m uncomfortable and tell him i haven’t shaved in a while and he tells me he doesn’t mind and that it’s fine so i just lie there and kind of just let him. i don’t remember all of it. he leaves after that.

next day i’m like holy shit. i’m not a virgin and i’m so mad at the fact that i didn’t scream or push him away. i personally don’t think it’s rape but my best friend and her sister do.

my mom knows about this

i told my friends not to get involved and not to do anything to him but they went and beat him up last night. which in turn lead to his mother finding out and she now wants to talk to my mom about it.

on another note. i’m devastated and heartbroken because there’s this guy that i’m in love with. we werent dating but he knew and he really liked me as well, i grew the balls and told him what happened because i don’t want to lie to him. he said i was lying and he thinks that there’s been something going on between me and that guy for a while that i didn’t tell him about which is not true. he told me to leave him alone. i don’t know what i’ve ever done to deserve this. maybe it’s just his reaction to the situation but he doesn’t believe me and he’s done with me.

not only did i lose my virginity under shitty circumstances but i also lost the guy i love. and i don’t know what to do. i think it’s as much my fault as that guy because i might of given him a very wrong impression.