When I had gone into labor on May 21st, I thought I knew pain. It was so crazy how intense the contractions could get. I had planned to have a natural birth but quickly decided to get the epidural to help me cope. I was expecting the labor to slow down (as everyone says an epidural will do) but boy was I wrong! Not even 3 1/2 hours and maybe 2 minutes of pushing, I had my daughter in my arms and I thought nothing could top this moment. Pure bliss doesn’t even belong to describe what I was feeling.

At the hospital I delivered in, they do the cute little chime every time a new baby is born as I had heard numerous time that I had been there for ER visits, when loved ones had surgery and when I did my walk through of the mother baby center. I had highly anticipated how sweet that chime would sound when it represented the arrival of my first born.

In the commotion of everything that goes on right after you deliver, I completely forgot to listen for the chime! I was bummed because I had looked forward to this the whole 9 months. I made a point to ask my nurse if they had played the chime even though I hadn’t paid attention and she responded that they simply don’t do that in the overnight hours. I thought that made sense didn’t think anything further. It was only a few hours late when the nurses switched over that I found out the truth. As she had come in to do my uterine massages, I was blabbering on and on about how I was so excited my daughter was here finally and how in love I was. I mentioned that I was a little bummed that they don’t play the chime on overnights and she informed me that wasn’t the true reason that they hadn’t played the chime. She told me that they hadn’t played the chime because a woman had lost her baby and was still in L&D and to be respectful of the pain she was in, they don’t broadcast every baby that was born healthy until she was discharged. I was instantly heartbroken for this women. I even felt guilty for caring so much about the damn chime. I couldn’t even imagine the pain that she endured that day, and every day since.

Dear momma who lost her baby on May 22, 2018. I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot begin to even wrap my brain around how you are feeling. I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. You had the saddest day when I was having the best day and I feel guilty for that. We were both in the same situation and had drastically different outcomes. I want you to know that I think of you and your little one you lost often. My husband and I have vowed to light a candle for your little one when we do the same for ours. We will never forget your baby. We do this with nothing but love for both you and your baby. I am so sorry for your loss and I pray that you are healing ❤️