Watery floods/unpredictable period - HELP?

Hey y’all. My insurance is crap so I can’t just zip off to my gyno but I need some input and Google is only making my anxiety worse. I’m 36 and have always been irregular (2-4 months between cycles). I’ve been abstinent since my fiancé passed away over a year ago so not worried there. This month my cycle was really light, gone, a week later started lightly spotting daily (never done that before) and then came back on time but also very light. Suddenly I had a gush of very watery blood (could see the chunk of lining and totally normal with that), had to zip home from the office and then it disappeared for a couple days (back to the weird spotting). Now I just got a wake up with another gush pre-dawn and having a moment of “WTF IS GOING ON???”. I’ve also spent the last momth being a depressed emotional wreckage (1st year death-anniversary) and am not on any meds besides my blood pressure ones. Anyone have any advice?