How do you ladies do it?

My husband and I have been TTC for nearly 7 years now. August 2012, we lost our first at 8 weeks. We have longed for a baby ever since. We have been working with a fertility doctor for 2.5 years now.

We’ve done 6 IUIs, 2 IVFs, countless tests including genetic testing, HSG, laparoscope. So many ultrasounds, needle pokes, medications, and tears.

5 miscarriages later and nearly $60,000 here we are. Still so hopeless.

Our insurance covers nothing. Luckily we both have great jobs that we can afford it but, money absolutely does not buy happiness. My life is great but, I’m so unhappy due to not having my child I have longed for, for so long.

With the 2 <a href="">IVF</a>’s we went through, we have found that my egg quality is terrible and at the ripe age of 25, that kills me. Absolutely kills me. I’ve read all the books, taken all the supplements. I’ve lead a healthy lifestyle of eating and exercising since I was 18. It just feels like I have zero control.

Our plan is an egg donor so, I can still physically carry the baby but, my heart still hurts at the fact that my baby won’t carry my genes.

We are very impatiently waiting on a donor. I have the best doctor/nurses and they are looking for the best donor. One that looks like us and has the best qualities. Which makes my heart happy.

In his 25+ years of practice, I’m “that” patient that he has been dealing with the longest. There isn’t anybody he hasn’t been able to get pregnant. It’s like I’m a lost cause.

I’m just ranting at this point. I just want to enjoy life. I have the BEST husband, a great job, we’re building a brand new home, and I have my 2 fur babies. I feel like I’m such a different person because of this. I’m bitter, sad, more of a loner than I’ve ever been, and just so mad honestly. The one thing my body was “made” to do isn’t happening. My body is failing me.

I know a lot of people will think “you’re only 25, you have time.”

But, I’ve been waiting 7 years for my time. 7 years... I will never give up. Sometimes my mental health just takes a shit because of this and I just want to sleep for days.