Emotionally cheating on my husband???

Question

So I’m in quite a predicament and really unsure how I’ve allowed myself to get here. 
I’ve been married now for 2 years. My husband and I got married when we were 21, and so many people have said we won’t last and now I’m scared that it’s true. When my husband proposed to me we had just found out that we were expecting and figured that was the logical thing to do. Sadly I ended up miscarrying at 11 weeks, but we decided that we would carry on with the wedding. 
Over the passed few years it feels like my husband has given up on trying in our marriage. I rarely feel loved and desired. And we almost never have sex because he is scared I will get pregnant again and he wants to wait until we have a house purchased to have a child. So we just don’t have sex. 
I love him so so much, but I feel myself slipping away and giving up because I don’t feel he cares for me
I’ve been working with this other man for a few years now and we’ve always just been friendly around the office and been “work friends”. Lately, he seems to be much more flirtatious. He will come up and blatantly flirt with me in front of people, and compliment me everyday. He will find reasons to come and visit at my desk etc. The past few weeks has gotten much more intense. He will come to me and play with my hair, and I will playfully push him off and he grabs my hands and lingers for a second and then stops... and the other day he started rubbing my neck and giving me a massage. I feel so conflicted. I am so attracted to this man I work with, but I made a commitment to be married. This other man gives me so much attention and is kind and asks about my day and if I’m alright and checks in on me as though he genuinely cares. Where as I come home to my husband who only talks about himself and his career, his wants and needs. He won’t even sleep with me when I am begging for it to feel close to him. 
Now I find myself thinking of the man I work with even while I am at home and not at work. I check his social media to see pictures of him and day dream of being with him. But then I hate myself because I have vowed to love my husband. But how can I do that when I give him all of myself and never receive anything in return?? 
I don’t know how to stop this work flirtationship and frankly I’m not sure that I want to... yet all I want is for my husband to fight for me, but he won’t do that. 
Please offer me any advice you have 😭😢💔

Answer

That’s a tough one. But I’m sure your husband did those things when you guys first met. I betcha the only reason you like this new guys is cause he is giving you the attention you’re lacking. It’s like the honeymoon faze all over again. This new guys might turn out to be far worse than your husband. He could have qualities that are terrible you don’t know about cause it is just in the friendly flirting stage.

Answer

You haven't done anything wrong YET, you have a natural need for attention and intimacy which is understandable. However you made vows and are in a monogamous relationship, so you need to shut things down with the guy from work, let him know you appreciate that he is thoughtful but that you are married and feel uncomfortable with some of the things he's doing.
Then you need to sit your husband down and have a talk. You need to explain to him how your missing the attention and intimacy & want to find a solution with him that addresses his concerns but gives you the care you deserve. You cannot be accusatory or overly emotional because that will most likely shut him down to hearing you. Its helpful to think of solutions before hand that you can bring up in the conversation. 
Without talking you cant know what's going on in his head about all of it & cant know the problems that need to be addressed. So talk it out, even if both of you need to take a breather to calm down during the conversation.

Answer

First off I’ve been in worse situations than this and I’ve really learned from them. If you value your marriage and your relationship with your husband then shut that office shit down. It’s not worth losing everything over. Read that again. It’s not worth losing everything over. You barely know him. You’ve got serious history with your husband. If the office guy knows you’re married, he’s playing the game and is being selfish. It’s manipulation and actually pretty disgusting of him. Don’t be emotionally available to him. Straight up say I don’t want to be touched, I’m married and it makes me uncomfortable. Stop yourself from being flirty and just be professional. Put up that emotional barrier. 
Second, educate your man!!! It’s completely possible to have sex without getting pregnant. Get on the pill, use a condom, use female spermicide, all of it if it makes yal comfortable. There’s no excuse to not be having sex with his wife just because he doesn’t want a baby. If he still insists then I would think there’s something wrong emotionally. What man doesn’t want sex? 
You need communication in your marriage!! Go to him and talk to him openly. Tell him all your fears and your needs. Be vulnerable and ask the same of him in return. Marriage is hard and it takes commitment and understanding. But if you can’t be completely comfortable and open with each other then nothing will ever change or be resolved. It’s hard but you have to try.

Answer

You have to make your husband listen. You may have tried to tell him before and he might have brushed you off or maybe made a change for a day and then reverted back. You need to tell him that something is bothering you and it may lead to the end of your marriage. Something like “[his name], I need to talk to you. You’re going to sit down and listen to me because, if you don’t, this will only get worse and lead to the end of our marriage. [once he sits down] I need you to devote more to me in this marriage. I feel like you only talk about yourself and your career and it makes me feel sad and lonely. It makes me feel hurt when you won’t sleep with me because I just want to feel close to you. I haven’t felt close to you in a long time.....” however you want the conversation to go. Tell him what you NEED and tell him how you FEEL. “I feel” statements are gonna be key. Last thing: don’t let him tell you how you feel. It’s so easy for him to be like “no honey that’s not how it is” but YOU know how it is. You’ve felt how it is. Say everything that you feel and need, and let him say his piece. Then actively work towards writing down a list of changes that you’re going to make.

Answer

im so not gonna lie , the issues with your husband ( not the work vibe ) just deadass made me cry because its what im going through rn . my husband just been so mean lately , he doesnt wanna have sex anymore because " hes tired " . and its like wheres the love ? he doesnt ask me how my day was , even though i cant go anywhere or automatically he suspects im cheating . we just had a baby two months ago and he doesnt help me out . im getting really tired of the name calling as well . like why the fuck did we get married if you just gonna be like the rest of them . we got married a year ago july 20th . i was 18 and he was 21 ... i just wanna feel the love again fr

Answer

The things this man is doing to you right now i bet is the same thing your hubby did . You and your husband honey moon phase doesn’t have to end . I know things get tough and it changes things but you got married and a commitment. Talk to your husband like really talk . Make some changes tell him how you’re feeling. Spice things up . Get a counselor . And if you feel like he’s avoiding you with sex because he doesn’t want you pregnant use protection or some other method . Maybe he’s stressed has a lot going on . You have to get through times like this . It won’t be the last but you have to remember y’all made a commitment prove people wrong . I remind myself all the time that this happened for a reason . Im 20 my husband is 25 we’ve been married for 2 years now . Got married when I was 18 he was 23 . It’s not always gonna be great but the good always out weighs the bad

Answer

I sympathize with you but I am going to be honest with you, you need to stop and yes you are WRONG. 
You’re married. Why are you allowing a man to flirt with you and touch you “playfully”. Would you be okay with this if the roles were reversed? No. 
You need to have a serious talk with your husband. Express yourself and if doesn’t listen, seek help or counseling. 
This type of behavior is not okay. Just because we are women and need attention does not mean we can go and accept attention from men who don’t respect our marriage. 
The grass is not greener on the other side. I hope you can fix this and if not, I wish you the best and lots of happiness. Just be careful with your actions.

Emotionally cheating on my husband???

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