Why does this always happen to me

My body just won’t go into labor by itself. They scraped my membrane and I did everything they tell you to do to increase and start labor.

They had to induce me at 41 weeks with my daughter. I was in labor for 14 hours before I had to take the epidural. Nurses and CNA’s kept coming up with different dilations; 3, 2, 3, 1, 2, etc. It wasn’t until I was in labor for 30 hours that they decided I was 10cm and we were ready to push. We go for 10 or 15 minutes before trying to forceps and when that didn’t work we decided I needed a break. Well my daughter’s heartbeat was dropping and the rushed for an emergency C-section. She swallowed meconium and poop, had fluid in her head and got choreo.

I ended up with the meconium and choreo too and was hospitalized with the infection for a week with my poor baby.

Not to mention my rapist and daughters donor showed up with my brother and would keep making sexual comments about me while I was vulnerable and naked. My boyfriend at the tile and aunt had to kick him out because I was not invited or wanted and did not ask to enter my room. (I did not report him for rape because my mental state would not allow me to believe I was raped and he was her donor.)

Well, my second C-section was scheduled for 39 weeks, but I begged to deliver earlier or full-term. I went in and was prepped for surgery and everything was great, until I went hope two days later.

That night I had a fever and they turned into cold spells and hot flashes and fevers, but I was told it was normal or assumed it was a common cold. Well come to the ER yesterday and low and behold it was a god damn infection and had I not come in, it could’ve killed me. They did a surgery to drain the abscess and put in two drains and now I’m stuck in the freaking hospital until they forgive out what caused the infection, what it is, and if it spread.

Idk if I’ll get to continue breastfeeding my son and I already feel so gross and ugly but to add, not one, but TWO draining bulbs to each side of me and makes me feel gross and like shit. I feel like I’m a failure as a mom cause I might not get to breastfeed not one, but now both kids of mine. Didn’t get to with my daughter and now they tell me I shouldn’t breastfeed until they figure this crap out.

All I wanted was a normal pregnancy and a healthy outcome. All I wanted was to breastfeed my babies and this freaking hospital is preventing it for a second time.

Update:

The nurses came and updated me on that MRSA test. It was confirmed positive. If they hadn’t sent me home a day early, this could’ve all been prevented. Now I have to make a hard decision and send my son to stay with his sister and take a supplement formula until I can be released.

They want to send me home with these drains and risk them leaking or my daughter messing with them or exposing either of my kids the inflection they could have prevented.