A couple of days ago I found out I was about 4 weeks pregnant, and although I’ve been TTC for 5 years I was not happy, I used my whole strength to not be happy because about 2 years ago I miscarried my twins at 3 months. I tried and I tried and a about 2-3 says after finding out I started to get excited, my hopes rose because the first trimester morning sickness was letting itself known. I didn’t care, it meant I was pregnant and I promised myself I wouldn’t ever dare complain about my pregnancy symptoms if I was ever to fall pregnant again. So there we were, me and my husband picking names, having fun discussing our child’s future like there wasn’t another care in the world. And then about 6 days after my 2 positive pregnancy tests some pink spotting started happening, I brushed it off as my gyno told me it’s super common to spot during the first trimester and even through your pregnancy as long as it doesn’t become abundant or red. Day 2 the pink spotting was gone and I cried and I prayed with happiness. Day 3 came and I work up, the spotting was back and it was fairly abundant. I went back to bed and about 3-4 hours later it was red and the cramping had started. My gyno told me to come in and she did a blood test told me they would call me next morning. When I was called I was told that it was hard to tell what caused it but the labs found low HcG, low progesterone and moderately high LH amongst other things but she said that my period was coming whether this baby was going to pull through or not and she was not gonna be able to stop it. I cried, she said I was young and I could try again but my best bet was to take a year break and go through some weight loss to manage my pcos. I cried more, she seemed puzzled on why a 23 year old would be crying so hard about a baby she can’t have. I left that day and told my husband everything, he held me and allowed me to break down. I could tel he wasn’t taking it well because he was hopeful from day one while I was trying not to be. In 2 days I started to perk up because I didn’t want to trouble my husband but I started noticing he was breaking down... hard and fast. He is really devastated and even though he is doing a little better I can tel that this took a real toll on him and when I look at him I can’t stop thinking about how me and my body have failed him and haven’t been able to sleep right , I’m having a very very heavy period and I burst to tears every time I go to the bathroom. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore, I feel beyond broken and I just won’t want to do this anymore.... I’m sorry for the long rant I just needed to get it out of my system.