LONG POST/ IN NEED OF POSITIVE VIBES 😔

When I got pregnant, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d end up on hospitalized bed rest. This is not how I pictured my first pregnancy at all. First I was gestational diabetes at 14 weeks. Im controlled with bedtime insulin and a good diet. Then hypertension at 29 weeks which progressed into preeclampsia at 30 weeks. But by far, the hospitalized bed rest has been the toughest.

When I was admitted to the high risk perinatal center at holy cross hospital last week at only 30 weeks, my husband and I were NOT ready. We thought we had plenty of time to set up a nursery, organize our house, and have a baby shower.

For the first few days I held onto hope that once I was stabilized they’re let me go home. How naive. I was sooo close to leaving on Friday. I had 4-5 consistently low reading so the doctor gave me the green light to be discharged. My hospital room was packed and I’d even texted everyone who knew I was here that I was on my way home. My discharge papers were signed and printed and all I needed was to pass my last set of vitals. What an epic fail. I guess the excitement elevated my pressure so badly that the release was cancelled immediately (176/97 - no way they’re letting me go). It took another 8 hours and more medication to normalize my blood pressure.

After that ordeal, I was not stunned when the nurses told me there was a possibly I would remain in the hospital for the duration of my pregnancy. This information was stillfrightening for many reasons. One, I was worried for my baby. Baby still has so much growing to do PLUS was already running on the smaller side. Two, I was worried for me. How am I going to handle living in this hospital bed indefinitely?

It’s been a week so far and time passes slowly. Each day is a blessing (as it means my baby stays inside longer) and a nightmare (as I stare anxiously at the same four walls). My life is like the movie Groundhog Day, only it isn’t cute or funny. My privacy has vanished, and my life is consumed by fetal monitors, medications, gross saltless diabetic hospital food, TV, nurses, high risk specialist , neonatoalgists, and my OB.

I can’t recall how many times during my bed ridden days I thought I might rip off the monitors and walk out of the hospital. I am so desperate and delirious to leave, that I sometimes need to remind myself not to loose sight of why I am here in the first place.

As my baby shower date quickly approaches, it has became apparent to us that a shower would no longer be in the plans. In fact, the only plan is to stay put and keep the babies inside as long as possible. 34 weeks is looking like the sweet spot and 37 is idea. Nothing else matters.

On the Bright side, having visitor makes a world of a difference and has been a welcome distraction. My plug to the outside world - I haven’t felt the sun shine in soo long . Shout out to hubby and mom (THE REAL MVP’s) who have showed up every single day with food, stories and just to be here with me. It’s boring at times and I’m mostly grumpy but they’ve stuck it out with me and I’m grateful.

Overall, this experience is not ideal, and I’d be lying if I said I was doing great. I definitely have moments when I feel sorry for myself and I just wish I could be experiencing a typical pregnancy at home. At the end of the day though, I remember that things could be much worse. I’m so lucky to be receiving amazing medical care. Because of that care, I’m able to still be pregnant and provide a safe place for my baby to grow. Someday, this will all be a blur. For now, I’ll continue to take it day by day and look forward to meeting my baby ‘girl’ in the near, but not too near, future.

#GestationalDiabetes #Preeclampsia #BedRest