Calling all moms of 2+ kids!

So I was so convinced I wanted #3 but long story short last minute I back out and use every excuse not to....mostly due to finances (we can afford another one, just makes things tighter obviously) and my career. It’s always taken a hit with every Mat leave. But then I go back later on and say I want to. I’m so back and forth with it and I’m not sure if Im just scared this time around because I know what to expect (lol) or I just don’t want another. I’ve been 50/50 for a while now (over a year) and just want to make a decision. What do I do?? Thanks!