My husband and I have been together since we were 16 had our first child at 19/18 and the got married at 21/20, and now expecting our second at 21. I don’t know if it’s just how young we are that makes it hard to argue and/or disagree in an healthy way but it’s starting to really get to me, I don’t know if it’s just from me being 33 weeks pregnant and just being over it or what but I do know we both need to treat each other better.

Examples of how some of our arguments play out:

The other day my SIL was over with her dog and when she went to give her dog a walk I went with her to check the mail. My husband asks what I’m doing and I tell him and he makes a comment saying I would yell at him if he wanted to do that? Which I told him was not true because I’ve been letting him do so he can smoke weed a few times (it’s legal where I’m at and he recently just turned 21, he’s not a pothead was just excited he could do it and rarely does it) and when I told him that he called me an asshole and told me he was just joking. When I got back from my walk (which was literally five minutes) he went upstairs and I didn’t know he was planning on taking his sister to Wal-Mart until she told me and he came back downstairs and just left without saying a word to me and I just found that offensive. He apologized when he got home but only after I asked for one. I mainly wanted the apology because he called me an asshole and not only called me an asshole but called me that in front of his sister and our almost two year old.

Another example being yesterday I was cleaning up after dinner and used the degreaser to spray down a chair that had grime stuck to it. While I was spraying it my husband made another comment saying I would yell at him if he used it? Which I’ve never yelled at him for using it before and that I just let him know once that he was using the wrong cleanser for the wrong thing and I told him this and then again I get called an asshole and that he was just joking and I should’ve known it was joke. (I’m sure you’re starting to see a pattern). Then he said something about living with me is torture and then I pretty much told him that if he really felt that way then he should leave and he said he wish he could.

Then just today he brought his water bottle upstairs after our son just woke up from a nap and he wanted some of it, so he gave him literally two sips and I said that he probably needed more than that and he said that he had his own water and so I asked if he was going to go downstairs and get it then, to which he said to me meanly that I was really pissing him off? Which I don’t understand how I was.

That’s just three days of this so far and there’s just been a lot of tension in the air between us and I don’t know why? I don’t know if it’s me making a big deal out of small comments or if he should just not be making certain comments in the first place?

My question is though how do I start making our arguments more healthy? I just don’t want my children growing up seeing their parents curse at each other. I want them to see a loving relationship that healthfully takes care of arguments. Any tips?