Anxiety -- Trigger warning
Don't want to get anyone else worked up, read on with caution but this has been on my mind and I am having a hard time expressing these thoughts out loud.
Anyone else get anxious when they think about how close they are to having a baby? Last week my OB asked if I wanted a 39 week induction and today another of the rotating doctors checked my cervix and said it's still closed but thinning. I get checked again next week and then we can schedule it if I'm not progressing. So no matter what I guess I've got exactly 2 weeks from today or less. I feel bad like I should be excited but it's gotten to the point now where I feel nauseous and get butterflies when I feel her move or just look down and see how big I am and am reminded of what is inevitable. I'm actually pretty scared to go through with this. I knew what I was getting into and it's been a sacrifice because we both really want to have a family. I've always feared childbirth but always wanted a child of my own. We talked about adoption but my husband doesn't believe he could give the same love to an adopted child as one of his own and I respect his view. I've also had on and off fears of what could happen to me. To the point where I wondered if I should write down some things if anything should happen to me. My biggest couple being bleeding out or my blood pressure getting out of control-- I don't even know how big of a risk that is for me since I've been pretty low-no risk this whole time. I'm definitely a hypochondriac and I overthink things. I talked to my husband about all this earlier this week and he assures me he's not going to let anything happen to me or to her. I've always had a fear that since I'm such a small person that my body isn't built to push out a 6 to 10lb baby (they haven't even told me yet how big they expect her to be.)
I guess I'm just really nervous and whenever I talk to my husband I think he's sugarcoating it for me. He's supportive and he's sprung into action for all my "holy shit is this it" moments. I know I can trust him but maybe I'm not confident in myself yet. I know that I need to think of contractions as positive pain but I get so freaked out thinking about it all. 😰