Am I being too judgmental?
So I have this friend that I have been friends with for a couple years. We met as co workers and became close friends even after we left the same job. Well she has 3 kids (I have one) were the same age (29). Well her bf is kinda abusive towards her (physically, mentally and emotionally) so when he is, she’ll leave him and go stay with her mom. She will only stay with her mom for a couple days with the kids and then go back to her abusive bf. THIS IS THE ONLY TIME SHE WILL TALK TO ME NOW. She will only talk to me now when he’s abusive towards her. We used to talk and text and even hang out all the time. I know he’s not telling her she can’t talk to me bc if he was then she would tell me. Another thing is this girl has 3 kids. She’s not in school and she WONT get a job or even keep a job. She expects her dad to pay for everything. Car, piercings, stuff for the kids etc. I’m actually in school and trying to better myself and have a better life for me and my child. My bf is a police officer and I told her if he ever does it again then let me know and he can have some of his patrol buddies go out there and take care of it. She will deny having the police come out there. Which I understand bc there are kids involved. But that’s the whole point, there ARE kids involved and she subjects them to this behavior. I told her to get away from him and STAY with her mom (longer than the couple days she normally will) and get back on her feet. Or maybe take the kids and stay in a women’s shelter. She won’t listen to me or anyone. I just don’t know what to do? Should I remain friends with her? It’s not like she talks to me enough anymore (only when she’s abused) and I feel like she’s bringing me down bc she won’t get herself together.
My other thought is to maybe care for her at distance. I would love for her to get help and be there for her but there’s only so much advice I can give her. How can I help someone if they aren’t willing to help themselves?