Everytime I think about weaning.

My son is 9 months. We have 3.5 yr old twins. We have 2 more ice babies we want to give a shot. The plan was to nurse til a year. And then gradually wean over 2 months and try for our ice babies. But this guy uses me as a pacifier. He won’t take a paci or even a bottle if I’m in the house. He won’t nap or sleep at night without using me as a pacifier pretty much the whole time. I keep thinking I’m just going to wean him now because I’m soo tired but everytime I feel like I’ve made the decision to do so I get all sad and just realize he is only little once. It’s soo frustrating plus I think to myself am I just going to make it harder on myself if I wean cause then I won’t be able to get to sleep at all?