Anyone else terrified of having another?

So my son Beckham is a month shy of his fourth birthday, and I have always known I didn’t want two small children in the house simultaneously. It doesn’t help that my experience with Beck was that he never slept, was extremely fussy, moody and irritable and could not be described as a happy child until he turned 3. Anyway, my husband and I have been going back and forth about pulling the trigger and trying for a second baby this fall, which at the earliest would put them five years apart. I legitimately am terrified of having another child which is in direct contrast to most of the women I talk to. I know I can love another child, I know my son would be fine with a sibling, I know we can afford it - but the thought of bringing home a baby who doesn’t sleep and needs my attention constantly on top of already having a kid makes me want to break out in hives. Lately, anytime my son wakes up in the middle of the night with a stuffy nose or a nightmare I just can’t help but think I dont know how I would juggle two without losing my mind.

On the upside, I do value having another child. I would like us to be a family of four, for Beckham to have someone to grow up and grow old with - for my husband and I to have two children to visit or have over. I believe that the few hard years you have with your kid are worth the lifetime relationship you foster. But is anybody else genuinely scared to move forward? Every time I run out of birth control I just go back to the pharmacy, and refill. So for now I say maybe later, but I think if I don’t force myself to do it, I will regret not having another one.