Help, i need advice or motivatio,.

Hi, im lexie. Im new to this group, i am 17 years old and weigh 195 lbs. My goal is to be 140 lbs by March 2020. Ive tried losing weight multiple times.. but then give up bc i lose hope and motivation. I absolutely hate my body, everything about it. And feel im never going to find love bc of my body. I did weigh 210 lbs. And lost 20 lbs. now ive gained 5 pounds and not happy. Idk how i lost 20 in the first place. So can anyone help me find motivation and hope, or give me advice on how i can get to my goal before march? It would be verh helpful. Thank you so much.