I want to scream. I feel like I’m actually going insane. My fiancé’s family are all so homophobic and racist and just genuinely bad people. And most of my family are the same way. And I truly don’t care what anyone has to say about it. I won’t have those kinds of people in my sons life when he’s born. It’s truly disgusting how they speak. Saying the n word. Making racist jokes. Talking about how they don’t wanna see gay people around them. Still using the word gay as an insult. It’s absolutely not okay. And it isn’t “just opinions” it’s just being a shitty person. And my fiancé completely agrees. I’m so tired of hearing people say I have to let them be around my baby all the time. Or that it’s just their opinion they are allowed to share their opinions. But for one. I never have to let anyone see my baby who I don’t want to see him. And for two. I will not have my baby around people who will constantly try and get him to cuss or make racist jokes around him or share their bigotry with him. I’m not gunna hide him from the real world obviously because there are bad people out there and I know that. But I’m allowed to keep him from certain people who I know are just shitty who would just try and teach him to be shitty. I won’t have it. And god it feels like I’m going insane because of how many horrible people we have in our families who think we are just gunna let them watch him all the time. When never in my life would I leave him alone in a room with them for a minute much less let them watch him.

As an example. His sister has already like talked to my belly to speak to him saying rude things. Saying immature things. His brother has done the same thing saying the n word to my belly. And it’s like every other word out of his mouth.

There’s literally no point to this post other than I needed to vent somewhere where random people in our families wouldn’t comment or text one of us talking about how were being rude or unfair or dumb because they’ll be around my baby if they wanna be and we can’t say no or we can’t stop them etc.

everything is just hitting me all at once all within the past few hours today about how many people will try and butt into our lives to try and help raise him or whatever and how many people we don’t want in his life at all that won’t ever listen to us about anything to do with him. How many people’s houses we won’t be taking him to that will actually and genuinely act like children about it and will tattle to my mother or grandmother about it. I cannot explain how horribly overwhelmed I feel now and I want to scream so loud. I keep thinking how much easier this would be if people just didn’t care to be in his life. Not a single part of me would mind if most people in our families just up and said they didn’t want to be in any of our lives anymore. Because I know after like a week or two of him being born. Almost everyone except our mothers and my dad will act like he doesn’t exist anyways. Because well. Our families suck. As I’ve stated many times. But it’s the first few weeks that just I feel like I will not be able to handle. We won’t let people come visit at our home. We won’t take him over to peoples houses. It’s just not going to happen so soon. We want time alone with our baby. And I’m just not ready for the constant blowing up of our phones with everyone just being immature and rude about us not taking him to see them or letting them just come hang out where we live to see him whenever they want. And I know the hundredth time my mom or his mom tries to tell me what to do it when to do it or tries to take him to take care of him because they know best or whatever else they wanna say. I am going to scream at someone. And I won’t be sorry.

All these thoughts are blowing up in my head and I can’t stop thinking about all of this. I’m just freaking out on the inside non stop. And have been like all day today.

I just want to move into a home with my fiancé out in the middle of nowhere alone so that nobody would even try and come see us other than the people who actually care and who we actually care about.

I’m so wildly stressed.

And I know a big part of why is because I need medication that I can’t take currently because I am pregnant. Like my many anxiety medicines and my bipolar medicine. And a few others. So that definitely plays a roll in my emotions and mind going insane at random times.

I just feel so crazy overwhelmed with everything at the moment. And I don’t even care if nobody reads this whole thing honestly. I really just needed to rant about this whole thing. 😭