Tomorrow is surgery day.

😭 My little boy is having his left lower lung removed due to his CPAM/BPS. (Tumor)

I can't sleep.

I can't hand him over.

I won't have my husband there because he will be with our toddler.

This is going to be the worst 8 hours of my life. And my poor baby has been through so much. I just want him to have a good life. I think of everyone's babies who are just cuddled, and not stuck with needles all the time. Or being put under all the time. Or having to be on a vent. I just wish my baby didn't know all this trauma. I love him so much..

Anywho, just scared and restless. I know I should sleep. We have to leave at 4am and from what I'm told the first 24 hours are going to be the worst of it. But here I am with knot in my stomach...Wanting to just put him in my bed a watch him sleep. Safely in my arms.