Everything has changed between my husband & I since everything happened. He lost respect for me, doesn’t spend time with me, he’s not there for me emotionally, or physically and I feel like we are just together because of our child together.

We are just coexisting. We have talked several times about divorce but we don’t want our child to live in two separate homes goin back & forth between visits so we decided to wait til she turns 18. Well, this is actually what my husband decided. I would rather get it over with if that’s what we’re eventually going to do. So, I met someone at college & we became like best friends, we just clicked. The type of friend where you just tell each other everything. I love spending time with him & talking with him & I told him my situation about waiting to divorce til our child is 18. It doesn’t bother him because we’re just friends but he is concerned about the well being of my child and myself. Later down the road I grew feelings for him & he grew feelings for me, & one day after we reached the top of our hiking session, he kissed me & I kissed him back. I stopped it & he wanted more. I told him we shouldn’t let our friendship go there & it would be a waste because our friendship would be ruined and there’s no guarantee that he still would be interested in me by the time my child turns 18. I got scared because my feelings were growing for him & didn’t want to pursue anything with him or anyone because I am still married. So I actually cut him out of my life & blocked him from all areas in my life. He has still tried to contact me through other people but I never respond.

I told my husband about the kiss & he didn’t say anything. Later that day, my husband pulls me aside & said his chest has been heavy & he’s been keeping a secret himself. He told me after the first almost 2 years of marriage, he shared a very passionate kiss with this woman he has known for most of his life. I was upset because he was acting all righteous like he he never did anything, had me as the bad guy. He kept his a secret for 8 years! Every situation that has happened with me, I know I didn’t tell him immediately but I told him within weeks, & months after, I didn’t wait years later to tell him. I didn’t even want to know what else he did with her, I didn’t even ask. I don’t know why he did it but it was before any situation happened with me & he waited til I confessed before he made his confession.

Anyway, everything is just broken and falling apart. I still try to make things work so we can have peace in our home & a civil relationship since we’re pretty set that a divorce will take place later in our lives. I kind of feel like we are just wasting time by having a set future divorce but whatever. I have to listen or he said he will take my daughter away from me. We live in a small community where he is from. I have no family or people that I’ve known for years. He literally knows everyone & has so much community support & family support. He scares me when he threatens to take my daughter from me. Things are just spiraling out of control. I am 27 years old and he is 51. Most of the time he tries to control everything like he’s my father. Things were great at first until they weren’t & I don’t know if this has anything to do with our age gap? We had one good date night recently & then suddenly I found out we are expecting a baby! I am one month pregnant. This puts a whole new twist on things. I don’t know what to do! I know I will get a lot of hate for my actions but I just needed to vent.