Am I really that messed up?/rape play

Trigger warning:

I was molested as a child by multiple men in my life; I feel I moved passed it all and have become a productive adult. Well my friend started discussing her new kink with the latest flavor of the month, and it’s rape play. I thought her telling me about this I’d be utterly appalled and disgusted but as she described everything and even showed me videos I found myself being aroused. Please someone tell me I’m not as fucked up as I feel I am right now, I’m ready to book myself a room at an asylum right now and let them throw away the key.