So when I was in high school I went to prom alone and I won prom queen and I felt secure with myself and looks. At prom I met a guy who went with his best friend... he was sweet and very attractive. At the afterparty he followed me around and was super sweet and kept complimenting my hair and it’s length (shorter). After a few beers and hoppin on the keg I was a little out of it. I don’t usually party or kiss people at parties.... but I kissed him. He messaged me a few times after that night trying to start a convo, but I’d open and not respond. Well after a while I decided to respond and we spent a lot of time together. One day he asked me to go hang out with some friends, as we get there he says actually it’s a bunch of guys maybe you should just drop me off.... so I did (it was 25-30min away) and another time he wanted me to go with him off to smoke with some friends... I get there and it’s one guy and two girls( one blonde which I believe may be his type) I ended up dropping him off and immediately leaving. Feeling worthless and not so great. Later on we started to hook up and he always pushed my head to initiate oral and I always gave. Well after a while we both knew the feelings we had for each other but I would be leaving for a month to go on Vacation out of country. He told me he wouldn’t date or get in a relationship with me bc we’d be apart, which at the time made sense.I left and it was hard to talk often bc of poor service and the different hours. I missed him terribly. Well when I got back it was my bday I spent my whole summer with his family in The Keys! We celebrated my bday and the day after he asked me to be his girlfriend. The next day I woke up to many notifications on his phone.... all on Snapchat. I asked him about it and he instantly said they’re nothing I haven’t responded. I pushed at him a little and he said okay well only “ dani, Annie and jaz think I’m talking to them” by talking he meant like seriously flirty and maybe leading to a relationship. I felt horrible, he even showed me him texting them “I have a gf” after he saw how upset I was and one even responded “okay and???”! Later on maybe close to a year later I find out it was more. Girls not even mentioned with heavy flirting and nude photos and a video of some girl shaking her ass. When I asked about the video he said that’s from this year!! I didn’t even know. Not only that I find out the three girls that thought they were “talking” was because he hooked up with them. Two in his bed where I sleep. And the other in her car at a park. I felt horrible and broke into tears, and I had to bring him to hockey practice as he begged for forgiveness and told me I meant everything. It made me feel dirty, like I was there to do the deed and when I left he had multiple girls too. Later on throughout the relationship someone everyday sent me the same video of him with this girl at school... and how they were always walking and talking. I asked him if he spoke to any girls at school or if he was close with any girl particular. He denied it and said no. But I showed him the video and he said ohhh we talk in class bc she sits next to me always about you and any problems or things about our relationship . Meanwhile they’re so close walking at school. She even gave me a dirty look once and I didn’t know her. Not only that she added him on Snapchat and instagram days before I found out. He even said oh she tried to give my close friend head blah blah blah. I knew it was bull shit. Now I compare myself to all those girls. And found out about all the girls he would FaceTime naked and all the nudes and how many girls he tried to get with. And his obsession with head. I feel like I have no self esteem??? I feel jealous and ugly?? I don’t know what to do??? I love him but feel betrayed???