Though I have spoken about this to a few, I still find it difficult and have never really dealt with what I went through as a teen. Even now as I write this I am finding it hard to write the words of what happened...

Well it started when I was 15 years old and I remember waking up in the middle of the night to a hand touching me inappropriately. As I slowly woke up I realized it was my brother in law. I Kaye’s there paralyzed with fear trying to figure out what to do and how to stop it. Eventually he stopped and I thought maybe it had been a dream. But over the years it kept happening and I never said anything to anyone because I felt so ashamed. Eventually I gave in because I had been fighting it for what seemed like a lifetime and I was tired and thought it would never end. So, I stopped fighting.

Then, my sister found out and blamed me for “wanting it.” It hurts to think that my sister blames me for what her 21 year old husband did to a 15/16 year old young girl.

I find myself wondering if maybe it was my fault, maybe I should have fought harder or wondering why I wasn’t brave enough to say anything.

The worst part is my daughters like to hold my breasts for comfort, which is pretty normal for breastfeed babies, but I struggle with it because it triggers those feelings and triggers my anxiety.

Maybe somebody can help me make sense of what happened to me as a teen and find closure. Thanks for reading!