Time for a talk and I’m not ready...

So I need to get this off my chest and I can’t talk about it with friends...

So I’ve been at my job for about 7 yrs. I’ve put in the work and want to get promoted. Well at my job there isn’t a lot of possibilities for promotion. Its limited space and you can only really move up when someone leaves. Well I think that time is now. It’s between me and this other guy for it. Well here is my issue. I’ve been talking to this guy at work for sometime now. We have a simple thing going. There is no label but we’re not casual, were exclusive but not in a relationship. I’ve always been okay with our arrangement because I am not ready to settle down and I don’t see it being with him. He treats me good and we are pretty much on the same page with our status, yes some days I want more than other days I realize I’m not ready yet. (Silly I know but I know what I signed up for)

Well with this promotion I think it’s gonna force us to have that talk. I care about him and I know he does for me but we both have high walls up.

I feel like he could be used against me but i doubt it (gotta be prepared for anything).

I also feel like if I get promoted our work relationship will have to change and I wonder if that’ll bleed over into our personal relationship. I’m not gonna hurt my chances at work for something that won’t be long term.

But that means we need to have a serious conversation and that’s gonna suck because I don’t see us picking each other. But we’re comfortable with each other right now. I know when we do have to have these conversations it’s basically gonna be the end of us. I will be sad because he’s been my person for way to long. But at the same time if he doesn’t wanna take the chance than neither will I. Ugh that is gonna suck hardcore for me!

He’s the only guy I’ve ever talked to from work. I had a rule against that and I always stuck to it. I will say I turned away some nice guys. But he just kinda happened. He was just suppose to be a crush to flirt with but here we are way to many months later!