I was very religious when I was young, and slipped into athiesm when I got extremely sick at 22-23 and it ruined everything in my life at the time (lost a job, dropped out of school, ended up sick on the couch for over a month/couple months, my dating life ruined, etc.)

I stopped thinking God was there for me because it seemed he really wouldn't let all of that happen to me, making me face my worst fears and ending up in the hospital with no answers about why I lost 20lbs in 2 months. Etc.

So i admit, I was mad at God. And confused about why this happened to me except just a coincidence, my body just rebelled.

Well, I've gotten better, but my life and health has been trashed to a noticeable degree, but I've now accepted it and feel ok about myself. I used to think I was defective and should die. I was very mad about what was taken from me for no purpose.

But now, I accept it, I make due, I'm honest about how it sucks ass to deal with, but whatever, I've got plenty to be grateful for.

All of that aside, God or the universe or whatever, crept back in very slowly, especially after my close friend died.

And now I'm here, admitting I believe in God. But I don't know if I'm being delusional or if it's alright for me to explore spirituality with God again?

Thoughts?