Okay, so this a long story. At the beginning of last year's school year, I met the guy that is now my bestfriend. For the purpose of the story we will call him Matthew. We had tech together and became very close very fast. It was like we just clicked. He was also good friends with my other friend who we will call Robin. About a month into our friendship I started to develop feelings for Matthew but he had a girlfriend who we will call Bella. The relationship was toxic and everyone constantly told him this. Eventually they broke up and Matthew and I started flirting a lot. I debated telling him how I felt, but one night he texted me telling me he still liked Bella and was starting to like Robin. Even though at this point I was head over heels for this man, I shoved those feelings aside and pulled my bestfriend pants on and tried my best to help him figure out the whole mess. He eventually got back together with Bella :(. However, him and I still flirted constantly as a joke, but in reality the sexual tension between us was crazy. He even admitted it to me. Pushing my feelings aside a few months before the end of the school year, I met this guy we'll call Patrick. We started talking and eventually started dating. Looking back on it i don't think i had strong feelings for him, but i did care for him. A couple months in Matthew and Bella broke up. After 3 months of dating me, Patrick started to drift off and became distant. I began losing feelings for him and hung out with Matthew and Robin a lot more. That's when my feelings for Matthew came back. I had finally decided that I wasn't happy with Patrick anymore and would break up with him, but everytime I tried to meet up he would cancel. The day before Patrick was supposed to leave for a trip I was with Matthew and Robin. Robin had to leave for a bit and things between Matthew and I got a tad heated, nothing actually happened just flirting. I admitted my feelings for him and he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and said I couldn't kiss him because he had told me he didn't want to get emotionally involved with someone, and I wasn't about to put myself in that situation. He said "what if I do want to get feelings involved." He kissed me and I gave in. That night Patrick finally agreed to meet up and I broke up with him. After that Matthew and I started hanging out more and started hooking up (not sex but everything else). I find out soon after that he had kissed Robin. I was crushed at thos point but couldn't do anything about it because we weren't dating. We had talked about dating for a while, but he was too scared because I'm about to go off to college and he thinks I'll just leave and cheat on him, but I'm living at home so I didn't see how this would be an issue. Eventually he asked me on a date and it was by far the best on I've been on. That was the only date we went on. A couple times he had told me he had feelings for me or that he was in love with me but the next week he would say that he didn't. I was so confused and knew it was a horrible idea, but I stuck with him. On my birthday we had sex. I was a virgin and it was a big deal. Well as luck would have it, we had a condom malfunction that lead to a freakout from both of us. He told me that that was a sign that we shouldn't see each other anymore and that he was going to ask Robin out. I have never been more hurt in my life. I truly thought that he would choose me. Now, they've been dating for a few weeks and everytime we hang out I'm third wheeling and can't help but be jealous. Robin doesn't even know anything happened. They're both still my bestfriends but it hurts to see the man you love with your good friend. I can't leave them because I care about them too much and they have with me through so much. I just feel so fucked over.