Where do I even begin. This pregnancy has been stressful from the get go. I had a lot of morning sickness (which I have never had with my previous pregnancies) got worse when husband was around. Drove 21 hrs to visit husband as he works out of state. Came home with bad chest pains so went to hospital. Turned out I developed two blood clots that traveled to my lungs. Since then I have been put on lovenox blood thinner injections that I have to take on a daily basis on my tummy. They sent me to high risk doctor which made things worse for me. Started talking about baby being swollen, seeing a light in his heart associated with Down syndrome, and having placenta previa. As the pregnancy progressed my placenta previa is officially gone but, are now talking about baby having fluid in his brain and stomach. For me to think between these two choices when baby is born. 1 do everything they can to save him including tubes and all or 2 do everything they can to save him but without the extremedes of tubes so he can go in peace. My first thought was do everything you can to keep him alive but the way the doctor made it seem as if the tubing hurts the baby, which made me feel like I’m going to hurt him because my selfish self wants him badly. We were trying for a girl tbh but to me a baby is a blessing no matter the gender so just because he isn’t a girl doesn’t mean I would want him less. I hate going to appointments because I hear the same things over and over and as it is I stress about it and cry everyday thinking the worst. At this amount of weeks I would also feel all my three other boys kicking by now and I barely feel anything with this little guy and it scared me 😩.