I want to get the anticipation of just knowing I’m pregnant before getting my positive test. I want the joy of seeing the positive appear on the test. I want the morning sickness, and the heat flashes, the mood swings, and the exhausted feeling. Every good and bad symptom along the way. I want the anxiety of pregnancy, of birth, of taking care of something so fragile. I want the ultrasounds and hearing my baby’s heartbeat. I want the stress that comes with it. I want to go through that whole journey. Appointment after appointment, finding out the gender, having a baby shower, taking belly pics, the whole nine yards. I want to have a healthy pregnancy. I actually want to feel my water break, and I genuinely want to go through the painful labor and birth. I want to hold my baby after pushing and pushing or after being cut open. I want to feel my baby on my chest and admire admire admire until my heart finally burst. I want to hear my baby’s first cries after arriving into this world. I want to know that I made that beautiful baby and I want to love and protect it until my dying breath and whatever comes after. I want the feeling of knowing me and my husband created life. I want the hospital room memories; all of them. The ones of just me, my husband, and our child. The ones where family and close friends came to see our baby. The joy of my baby being welcomed to the world. I want the sleepless nights that follow, I want the headaches and stress. Sounds crazy but there’s nothing I want more. I want to take care of my baby. I want to provide for my baby. I want to watch my baby grow up and become wonderful because it raise them to be. There’s more- but you get the point.

I want a baby- MY baby. Oh the happiness a BFP would bring to the heart and soul.

-

Lord please bring those of us in hope of conceiving, our positives. I know you have a plan and you know when the time is or will be right for each and everyone of us and I’m sorry if we become discouraged or irritated in the process. Please place hope and patience in us who have become so obsessed with trying that it’s bringing a skyscraper of stress on and us who have become so impatient or beyond hopeless.