We weren’t close while I was growing up, long story. But since his health has deteriorated over the passed couple of months we(my sisters and i) found old tapes of his “vent sessions” that apparently he used to do to keep his sanity from the turmoil of what all of our lives were like when I was a kid/teen. I’ve learned a lot about him and about who he is, what he’s been through, and why he was the way he was to me, in addition to why he hasn’t reached out to me in the ten years since I moved out of his house(he has mental health issues and a deep depression and was afraid to reach out to me once I was an adult because he feared rejection). I’ve been visiting him in the hospital while he was lucid, I made my peace with him and put the past in the past and told him how much I cared about him and how I NOW know how much he truly cared about me.

Now he is on comfort care and it’s literally a matter of days or weeks until he passes and I’m a mess. I feel so bad that it took this long. I feel so bad that I can’t be there for him 24/7 while he’s slowly passing. I hate that he’s “alone” at all or scared to be facing death. I’m just a mess. I’m fairly young to be losing a parent, but my parents had me older than most families have kids. I hate seeing him waste away, it’s just awful. I lost my maternal grandmother this year too in February which was hard but expected. My dad is only 65. Is this something I should bring up to my doctor at my next appointment? Idk if this type of thing has an impact on pregnancy or birth or post partum outcomes but I’m starting to worry about baby on top of everything else.