What makes me her mom?

Just need to get some feelings out. Long story short, my daughter’s birth was a c-section because she was breech, and when PPD set in, I had to stop giving her milk because I was no longer eating and she wasn’t getting nutrition from me anymore. I regret stopping pumping, even more because my husband suggested then that I should continue because I may want to do it again when I’m better. It was definitely the right decision at the time. Now I wish I could bring my milk back. I tried a few weeks ago and just basically ripped skin off my nipples. I went to try again pumping this week and wondered why this was so important to me. I realized it’s just one of several/many things I feel like I lost when my daughter was a newborn. I feel like I didn’t get my chance. I was so ready for labor and delivery, and I wanted that experience. I did get to labor for several hours while they waited for me to digest breakfast. I had prepared for the whole experience (didn’t find out till the last couple weeks she was breech). I had taken classes on breastfeeding. pumping and giving her my milk was working out even though breast wasn’t. I produced a lot! It made me feel accomplished. Now my body feels empty, I feel like I lost my chance at so many things, and lately I feel like...with formula, routines, etc., ANYBODY could do what I do. Like there’s basically nothing special about me that makes ME be MOM.