Need rainbow baby advice !

Hi lovelies. I'm looking for advice from momma's who have had their rainbow babies after a miscarriage. I found out I'm pregnant today and I'm torn between crazy levels of excitement and fear. My last miscarriage( I've had 4) sent me into an awful depression and I almost didn't pull through. I don't want any bad juju for my baby and I'm trying to clear my mind of all the awful fears and memories but they are winning. How did you find strength to be excited ? How did you handle finding out you were pregnant again after losing a child previously ? Is it wrong to be holding back for fear of heartbreak? Is it pointless to try to hold back because Lord knows I'll be heartbroken if I can't carry to term? Is my positive/negative thinking going to affect my pregnancy ? I don't know how much 'magic juju' I believe in anymore.